Oh my God! It is after 3:00 AM on a Friday morning and I have awaken to a sense of panic and paranoia. My outing with “Alex” on Wednesday turned out to be one of my best experiences of my life only to be turned upside down at the end of the day by his revelation that “John” wants to try and get back together with him and “Alex” wants to see if he can reconcile their differences. Alex has been such a close friend and confidant of mine. I KNEW I SHOULD NEVER HAVE CROSSED THAT ROMANCE LINE WITH A FRIEND.On top of that, “Mr. Texas” called and left me an “out of the blue” voice mail on Wednesday afternoon which had me VERY concerned because of what I heard in the background after he was done with his message. The sounds were like he was either being hit by something (non-vehicular) or, God forbid, shot by a gun. I have called “Mr. Texas” back on his home phone twice and his cellular phone once over the course of the last two days expressing my concern for his safety and there has been no response.
Why the Hell does this happen to me? God, I need to speak with both “Alex” and “Mr. Texas” today. Please be there. And God give me the strength to endure these outcomes!
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[...] I will admit now that my trip to San Francisco was a bit disheartening by the fifth day I was there. I kept saying to myself, “I can no longer go on vacations by myself.” There was so much to enjoy in San Francisco and no one to enjoy the beautiful sights and sounds and gorgeous weather with. The walks I took through the neighborhoods, the rides on the cable cars, the “F” Line to The Castro Ditrict, the bars in The Castro, 2223 Restaurant, the hiking through Yosemite Park, all would have been enjoyable with the other someone. But I digress. It was this trip that I took that led me to take the initiative to actively seek someone. I’ve been a part of so many GLBT social organizations, but all I have established are good friendships. And there were some friendships that went further than I wanted and what I feared would happen happened, i.e. “Alex.” [...]