A taste of what I felt were some of my best HDR photographs that I captured in 2009. The last photograph is of Patterson Lodge on the grounds of Lake Forest College, which I recently donated to the College. An administrator wanted to hang the print inside his office which is inside that building. CLICK ON IMAGES TO ENLARGE.

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
my daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
so I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t too near,
but I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn’t quite know,
then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
and I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
a lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, my wife and my child.

“What are you doing?” I asked without fear,
“Come in this moment, it’s freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
you should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!”
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.

To the window that danced with a warm fire’s light
then he sighed and he said “It’s really all right.
I’m out here by choice. I’m here every night.”
“It’s my duty to stand at the front of the line,
that separates you from the darkest of times.”

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I’m proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ‘Pearl on a day in December,”
Then he sighed, “That’s a Christmas ‘Gram always remembers.”
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ‘Nam’,
and now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I’ve not seen my own son in more than a while,
but my wife sends me pictures, he’s sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
the red, white, and blue… an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet.
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
or lay down my life for my sister and brother.
Who stand at the front against any and all,
to ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.”

“So go back inside,” he said, “harbor no fright,
your family is waiting and I’ll be alright.”
“But isn’t there something I can do, at the least?
Give you money,” I asked, “or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you’ve done,
for being away from your wife and your son.”

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
“Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we’re gone,
to stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
to know you remember we fought and we bled
is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.”

- Author unknown

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
 30th Naval Construction Regiment
 OIC, Logistics Cell One
 Al Taqqadum, Iraq

Last week and this week milestones are going to be reached regarding what I have been going through since April. I am hoping that this will bring some much needed tension relief. There are times that I feel that I am walking on pins and needles and this at least allows me to see the “light at the end of the tunnel.”

Friday was my first night out with “Tyke.” Tyke is someone who recently expressed interest in getting to know me better and suggested going out to dinner. We went to his place of choice and spent a lot of time talking about everything. Tyke revealed both the good and bad in his life. The “bad” part somewhat took me by complete surprise, given his age. But it is something that he has owned up to and has taken responsibility for, for which I was quite proud of. What seemed to be a short dinner turned out to be surprisingly long. We headed back toward his place to stop at the town’s park. We sat on the boardwalk and talked about “life” and what was beginning to develop between the two of us. It was turning out to be a cold evening for which I was bundled with only a windbreaker. He was extremely warm. We eventually had our moments of affection.

IT GOT MY MIND OFF HOW YOUNG HE WAS.

We said our “goodbyes” for the evening at about 10:30 PM.

Saturday was the annual dinner of the local GLBT association that I am a member of. It was great to see some faces that I haven’t seen in a long time and yet somewhat melancholic when I noticed who did not decide to attend. But we had over 100 members attend the Dinner which made it a great time. I suggested to the other Board members that we get photos of all the members before the tables get congested with all the food and people start loosening their ties. The President told me to “run with the idea” So I went around to all of the tables to get photos of the members. Sometimes the members can be a bit standoff-ish about getting their pictures taken, particularly if they’re still in the closet, but I was pleasantly surprised by the warm reception I received, particularly from couples. I thought this was another way to personally connect with the members when I send them their photos and also extend my thanks on behalf of the organization. And who knows, maybe the communique will open up other avenues?

I did a lot of dancing that evening and the banquet facility did a great job of controlling the temperature inside, not allowing it to get too warm. I didn’t want to be out on the roads too late, but at the same time I was having fun. I also didn’t want to leave the other board members “hanging” when it came to any clean-up or packing that needed to be done. I finally got home about 1:15 AM. Before attending the Dinner, I was planning on leaving about 11:00 PM to get me home by midnight. But it seemed like the night was still too young. I’m not one to stay up too late.

Sunday was another jam packed day, starting with church. I woke up on my own at 6:30 AM, but so wanted to go back to sleep. Luckily I did fall back to sleep until the alarm clock woke me up at 8:00 AM. Church was at 10:00 AM. In the middle of the service “Tyke” called me on my cell phone. Thank goodness I remembered to turn my cell phone to vibrate. After church we had our business meeting in the church hall where we approved the budget for 2010, approved revisions to the church’s constitution, and followed that up with a potluck. I called Tyke later and we decided to meet and go bowling for a few games. I did terrible my first game (don’t think I broke 70), but did OK the second and third game.

After bowling Tyke suggested that we go to my house. I was a bit hesitant about it only because of the condition I knew the living room would be in with the laundry I did on Saturday still thrown on the couch and the dining room table that has all my photography equipment and other miscellaneous items. But we came anyway. I showed him around the house and what I did to the basement by remodeling it. And he spotted the infamous Adirondack chair in the backyard.

I cleared off the couch where we did some playing around and a lot of talking. I was more at ease with him at home than I was with him outside on the boardwalk the night before. Plus it was a lot warmer inside the house. And again, without so much talking,

IT GOT MY MIND OFF HOW YOUNG HE WAS.

On the way back to his house to drop him off, we stopped to have dinner at Pizzeria Uno. I got him home around 8:45 PM. One thing I discovered driving back from his place was how dark the streets were, particularly along one state route with twists and turns. The speed limit in some areas was as high as 55 MPH, but I was more comfortable going 45 MPH. At one point this pick-up truck was riding my tail when I was going 60 MPH and I had to pull over on this narrow shoulder to allow him to pass. I finally was home around 9:15 PM. As soon as I got undressed, I hit the sack as I was extremely exhausted.

The photo below was another shot I captured on the nearby golf course in early October of this year. I thought that it would go well with the title of this post. This was a photo captured in High Dynamic Range (HDR).

I don’t have any photos that I can think of that I took which represents three, so I have settled with a photo of me with my two older brothers standing on the front steps where I was born and raised. I pass by the house on a regular basis which brings back many memories. I live less than a mile from there. I remember going through the house when I was in high school (we moved from here when I was in third grade) thanks to my girlfriend at the time who was a babysitter there and I couldn’t believe how small my bedroom was. It was really a “sitting room” for the master bedroom. I believe I may have been about 2 here…maybe 3.

Yours truly met “Tyke” not too long ago. “Tyke” was someone who caught my eye at a Fourth of July party earlier this summer. He had a nice sense of humor, personality, and a smile to die for. The Fourth of July party was announced through an e-mail that was sent to the guests. When “Tyke” sent an e-mail back to the hosts thanking them for the party, he sent it as a “Reply to All.” When I had seen his name signed in the e-mail, I quickly learned what his e-mail address was. I then sent him an e-mail just saying how nice it was to meet him and that I had hoped to see him in the future. His response was a cordial but “empty” one. I didn’t want to think anything more “into it.” Well, I ran into him again at another function two weeks ago. It was great to see him, but he was there with his best (female) friend. I didn’t know what to make of it in the beginning. What came to mind was my relationship with Guy from a few years back who had a best (female) friend that he actually roomed with and at times she always felt like a “third person” in our relationship. By the end of the night, “Tyke” was almost off my “radar” as far as a potential partner.

Then to my surprise, “Tyke” sent me an e-mail last weekend stating that he would like to go out to dinner with me and “how did I feel about that?” I told him that it sounded like a great idea, that he can give me a telephone call and we can schedule a dinner out together. I gave him my phone number and I heard from him the following evening. I was blown away by some of the things he had said and due to my own issues of “self worth”, I would ask myself why he would be saying such things. We’re going out to dinner this Friday.

The one thing that came to mind when I last saw him was when I could deduce from conversations how old (or young) he was. I estimated that “Tyke” is at least ten years younger than me. I’ve always felt comfortable dating older men, but I can’t recall ever dating a younger man. Not that younger men are a “turn off”, but it was always by coincidence. And now there is “Tyke” who could have some real potential.

Is age something that I should let bother me? Is this something that is only someone else’s problem? I recall dating Jim last year who is ten years older than me. I didn’t have an issue with the age difference, but would others have an issue was my worry. I always “heard” Mom in the back of my mind asking me why I would settle for someone so much older when I could find someone my own age. So is someone who is aged 28-30 (or maybe even younger) too young for a 41 year-old? I think I’ll just have to gauge where Friday and beyond takes us and not worry about the age difference for now.

Photos taken on a golf course close to home. These photos were processed with High Dynanic Range (HDR) imaging.

Click on the images once (in the Gallery at the bottom) to see them at mid-size and twice to see them full-size.

View looking back toward the first tee and clubhouse.

View looking from the eighth tee toward the green.

“…and I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill.”

Yours truly has decided what he’s going to be for Halloween and it’s Bill from the School House Rock days. You remember School House Rock on Saturday mornings on ABC, don’t you? Those three-minute educational cartoon segments a few minutes before each hour and between your favorite cartoon shows, like Superfriends from the Hall of Justice?

I drove all over town on Sunday trying to find all my required materials and after purchasing everything, there was one big problem I foresaw myself running into….How am I going to eat and drink wearing Mickey Mouse hands and my face covered with foam? So I might have some rethinking to do.

 My costume will consist of a foam mattress cover that will wrap around my body. I bought a queen-sized (how apropo, huh?) cover, mickey mouse hands, a red ribbon for tying around the bill, and black stick-on letters B, I, and two L’s. For the red, white and blue button, I’ll be fastening a blue plastic plate and red plastic plate with white duct tape, on which the lettering will be stuck. There were thoughts of wearing white tights, but I quickly dropped that idea and went with white sweat pants instead, since I already own a pair. For the arms, I’ll probably wear a white long-sleeve turtleneck and my white tennis shoes.

My original intent was to go strictly with a drawn on mouth with no opening, but I’ll be wanting to snack on appetizers while at the parties, and of course be able to drink. The eyes were going to be through small holes that will have screening over them to hide my eyes, but still allow me to see out. So we’ll see how this works out. I may have to scrap the idea entirely. I also have to see how “yellow” I look wrapped in this foam. If I look too yellow, I’ll have to write “ENDA” or “DADT” on the backside of me and tell people that since I’ve been sitting in committee for so long, I’ve begun to “yellow.” Or as someone else said to me, “Tell them you’re a bill that was written on parchment paper.”

I am also debating which party to attend this weekend….whether the WSGA Halloween Party or an Oktoberfest fundraiser. But I may be stuck with the fundraiser. A friend suggested that I be the photographer for the evening. They were also thinking of having one of those boards that you stick your heads through that makes it look like you’re Hercules, or maybe for an Oktoberfest theme they’ll have Germans holding their steins up in a toast and I would take pictures of them at the board.

It was interesting to note that after checking out my “Dashboard” here on WordPress that someone who googled the phrase “trailer park costume ideas” yesterday was redirected to my blog. Hmmmmm.

It is an observation that I have noted since President Obama has taken office and I have been trying to pinpoint where it has stemmed from and who or what is to blame for it. I was going to start a list of observations, but I didn’t exactly have a mobile list to work from whenever something came to mind. For the longest time, I thought it was something that was started by members of the Republican Party. But when looking at it from a whole, others seemed to be to blame for it, including President Obama himself. And I don’t think that either party can claim being responsible for starting this first.

But since President Obama has taken office, there seems to be this “casualness” of the Presidency. A casualness where there is no longer this reverence associated with the actual person or the Office. Here are some examples:

1. I can recall very early in President Obama’s presidency when there were people who complained that President Obama was not seen wearing a tie every day at the office.
2. President Obama has made himself available to the late night talk show circuit – something that I don’t remember with any other former sitting President. I recall candidate Bill Clinton making a surprise appearance on “The Arsenio Hall Show” wearing dark sunglasses and playing “Heartbreak Hotel” on his saxophone. But this was in 1992 during his first campaign for Presidency. I just never recall seeing a President appear on talk shows or late night shows. Particular
3. A huge contributor to this viewpoint is that I have heard many people, whether from news agencies, politicians, actors/actresses, and those of the general public who refer to him as Barack Obama rather than President Obama. Worse yet was during the campaign when Republicans tried to sway voters by always including his middle name, Hussein, as if to instill fear in us.
4. And we can’t forget when Republican Congressman Joe Wilson from South Carolina yelled, “You Lie!” to President Obama during his address to Congress. If something like that was said twenty years ago, the congressman would have been run out of town. What I couldn’t believe was how partisan it became when the thought of admonishing Wilson was suggested. Republican party leaders would have suggested the same thing had it been the other way around. I even read one blogger who thought it was a double standard when the outgoing President Bush was “booed” when introduced during President Obama’s inauguration speech. Even I thought it was a bit tacky and rude considering he was finally headed out of office, but this was a “boo” that was heard from numerous people, people who were out in the sea of millions who attended the Inauguration. You can’t exactly pinpoint who was responsible.

I think the Presidency will lose its importance and the associated reverence that it has had if these habits continue. The Presidency is hard enough as it is, whether you’re Democrat or Republican, but if the job loses the respect it deserves, who would want to take on this position? And if no one wants to run for the Office, we’d get someone who mounts Alaskan moose or salmon on the walls or bear skin rugs on the floor of the Oval Office. And the President couldn’t claim to be able to see Russia from her (White) house.

Even before President Obama, I think the Presidency began to lose its “luster.” If only today’s 6 year-old children who want to be President knew what they were getting themselves into 29 years later.

It was something that was discussed on another fellow blogger’s blog just recently and that is when it hit me in the stomach as to what happened to this whole past summer. Everything was basically a blur from April until now, filled with too many “what if’s”, and putting my life on hold.

August 27th was supposed to mark the end, but it seemed like it was just another continuance. To get my mind off the perils I faced, I got myself totally engrossed in my photography. With all the editing and tweaking of my photos, the days would disappear as fast as they came. This past month, there were some days I would hit the road and drive. Most of the time to Chicago. After spending a few hours there, I’d try and catch dinner with my brother, missing him most of the time. But one day, I thought of the idea to hit the CTA rail system along the expressways and catch photos of headlight or brake light trails. After a few trains passed, I was told I had to get off the platform as I wasn’t allowed to take photos there. Then I tried to make due with what I could capture from bridges and viaducts. The unfortunate circumstance was that it was a steady misty rain that evening. My next trip to Chicago I want to be primarily at night and catch some downtown nightlife shots and shots of the architecture. Last Sunday the 27th was one of those “spur of the moment” trips to Chicago. I was too happy to get some great panoramic shots of the Chicago skyline as I was way out into the lake by the Adler Planetarium. There was also the trip to the Sears (Willis) Tower Skydeck where I had to check out “The Ledge.” For those of you unfamiliar with The Ledge, the Sears Tower’s skydeck was outfitted with three glass enclosures that extend beyond the exterior facade of the building. See one of the photos I captured where I was standing in one of the glass enclosures and photographed people in the two adjoining ones.

Due to what was financially-draining, all of my major home projects were put on hold, including adding a shower to the upstairs bathroom and having the driveway repaved. Literally, I need to get my house in order as it is getting really cluttered. Lots of clothes that need to be thinned out of my closet as well. I bought a euphonium about two months ago that I thought was going to get me out of my funk, but I have only played it two or three times. I need to play that more often. I always wanted to be accomplished at playing an instrument and while I’ve played only once a year most of my adult life (at Homecoming at U of I) on a school instrument, I am hoping that having my own instrument now will give me the added push. When I grew up I was a trombone player, but Dad and my nieces are playing that now.

Mom’s been by the house quite a bit as of late and I have a feeling she knows something has been bothering me. I’ve continued to tell her everything is fine. But wearing this “facade” has been exhausting. It reminds me of when she “broke me down” and got me to come out to her back in the late 90’s. Hard to believe it was 14 years ago.

Work has been very busy since July. We had early retirement offered to many employees who took advantage of it and then most recently we had an additional 50 people laid off. It’s made things crazy here with being short-staffed and people are “on edge.” I let the registration for participating with the Alumni Band at Homecoming and securing a hotel room escape me, so I will not be attending Homecoming this year, which may be for the better. They haven’t had a winning record as of yet and I could save some money. Attending by myself has not made it the most fun either. Granted there’s tons of alumni to be with, but when the alumni are there with loved ones and children, you feel out of place. Looking forward to spending more time in the neighborhood and not on the road trying to get lost.

After hearing my latest “notification” signal that I received a new e-mail in my Outlook Inbox at work, my heart skipped a beat when I read the subject line:

“An invitation to lunch at Buddy Guy’s during the IML Conference.”

I bet close to 90% of my readers know what IML stands for in the gay community, but what a relief when IML was actually referring to “Illinois Municipal League.”

I thought to myself, “How the heck did someone from International Mr. Leather get hold of my work e-mail address??!!” Granted I knew that the IML gathering in Chicago was a while ago already, but it still was an eye-opener.

What a relief!

(exhaling)