It has been eons since I have last posted here and visited my fellow bloggers. My time has gotten very sporadic with my concentrations on work, photography and love.

Yes, I said love. I have met a special man who came into my life two months ago, and since that time I have experienced things I thought would never materialize. Within this time I have completely come out of the closet to my entire family and my partner and I have met our extended families as well.

To be open and honest with him, I made mention of this blog to my partner and he made the request that my blogging about my personal life no longer continue, particularly when it comes to my love life, which I totally understand.

I want to thank those of you who have been part of my life for so many years, but this is a new road that I am now traveling with new adventures ahead. I may still be around to comment on your blogs, but Heterosexually Challenged must come to an end.

While it can be a sad time, it is a time that has come.

I wish you all my best in your future and where your roads may take you.

Steven

The foyer originally had white oversized tile which was oriented in a square pattern with little diamonds in between. To me it just had that “grandma look” to it. So after staring at that tile for 10 years, I finally decided it was time for a change. And then I decided that the tile I would lay would be laid in a diamond pattern, rather than a square pattern. It would also help hide mistakes better, if there were any made.

When everything was set to go, I started laying and gluing the tiles and everything was looking well. Then I stood up and immediately could see how everything was a bit off. I could only think of what fellow blogger Peter told me. And I didn’t want to walk by this foyer or enter the front door every day only to see the mistake “glaring at me.” I then tore up all of the tiles and scraped the adhesive off the concrete backer board and off the backs of the tiles. The adhesive was easy to scrape off the floor, but washing the adhesive off the tiles was quite time consuming. It took at least an hour for the fifty or so that were laid.

On Thursday of last week, the tiling was completed. Then I waited for it to warm up outside so that I could grout the tile. The manufacturer recommends that it be at least 50 degrees outside. We haven’t had decent temps for a long time. Last Saturday provided that opportunity. After completing the grouting, I had to do a good wipe down to get all the grout off the tiles. After comparing the natural gray grout color to the white outline of the tiles when they were resting on the backer board, I wondered if I should have gone with the white.

Now I just need to reattach the quarter-round moldings along the bottom of the walls and do some touch up painting where the tearing out of the concrete backer board and original tiles scuffed the doors. Then it’s on to the next project….putting a tub in the upstairs bathroom. Not certain when I’ll get to that. Perhaps when my knees mend from laying all this tile?

SNOW???!!!

Shocking to me, eighteen days into April, I awoke to seeing daffodils, tulips, and daylily leaves covered in snow.

Thankfully, the snow was short-lived as the temps rose above freezing and most of the snow was gone by lunchtime.

Another surprise upon my return home was that I not only received a decent check back from the IRS, but the IRS decided to add an additional $600.00 to what I was expecting back. Woo-hoo!

This refund may be going toward the purchase of a new camera. I unfortunately dropped my camera the day before my return home from Florida. It loosened the image sensor to the point that what is seen through the viewfinder is not what is actually captured on my memory card. I discovered that taking photos with the camera upside down fixes that problem, but it is a cumbersome problem. And I may invest in a Canon DSLR camera, which can cost a pretty penny.

I’ve started a redecorating project….I’m re-tiling my foyer. I’ve removed the old tile and concrete backer board which has left a visible layer of dust EVERYWHERE in the house. ACK! New concrete back board has been installed and once the temperatures outside remain fairly stable, I plan to start the tiling. I’ll be installing the tile in a diamond pattern rather than a square pattern so as to not create any noticeable crooked lines. Hopefully this weekend will bring decent temps. In the meantime, I’m going to practice my tile cutting with the old tiles that were torn out.

This year’s escape was rather relaxing where I did a lot of reading, including getting caught up on four of the twelve 2010 issues of Popular Photography. It was a subscription that I am still wondering how I was subscribed. I thought perhaps it was sent as a gift, but no one has claimed responsibility. I also came across the book, “The Devil in the White City,” which is about the Columbian Exposition in Chicago and the murders that happened during that time. I would recommend it to anyone.

My second morning there, I was able to capture some photos of the red moon that I saw at 7:05 AM over the Gulf of Mexico. This small, compressed photo doesn’t do justice to what was really captured. I’ve been to area parks, but never came across any alligators or crocidiles. Sunsets were a blessing to see every night. There was never a night were overcast skies blocked our view. From a photographer’s perspective, I would have to say that the cloudless skies made for rather boring sunsets. But it allowed me to enjoy the sunsets rather than being preoccupied every night with “capturing the perfect sunset” with my camera.

Plenty of dinners and even some beachside lunches had me fearing a little weight gain upon my return. Surprisingly, I lost about two pounds.

More to report, but I thought I better break this up into a few posts.

Have a fantabulous weekend!

The first photo was taken outside my front door at about 10:30 PM on February 1st.

The second photo was also taken outside my front door shortly after 7:00 AM the following day, February 2nd.

It was hard to believe that blue skies and sunshine were out only 6 hours later. But it left behind incredible snow drifts.

The congregants of this church are in store for a long sermon since they can’t get out. Three flights of stairs are located here, with the bottom flight of stairs and railings buried under snowplowed snow. The top two flights are buried with the railings just visible from the snow drift.

I hope this post finds everyone in good health and spirits. Only one more month until Daylight Savings begins once again.

“A federal judge in Riverside declared the U.S. military’s ban on openly gay service members unconstitutional Thursday, saying the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy violates the 1st Amendment rights of lesbians and gay men.

U.S. District Court Judge Virginia A. Phillips said the policy banning gays did not preserve military readiness, contrary to what many supporters have argued, saying evidence shows that the policy in fact had a “direct and deleterious effect’’ on the military.

Phillips said she would issue an injunction barring the government from enforcing the policy. However, the U.S. Department of Justice, which defended “don’t ask, don’t tell” during a two-week trial in Riverside, will have an opportunity to appeal that decision.

The ruling comes just over a month after a federal judge in San Francisco tossed out California’s voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage, providing back-to-back victories for gay rights advocates seeking policy changes in the courts that have eluded them in Congress and at the ballot box. The case was filed by the Log Cabin Republicans, the largest political organization for gays in the GOP, in 2004.

The ruling is expected to intensify political pressure in Washington to act on legislation to repeal “don’t ask, don’t tell,” which remains stalled in the Senate despite support from President Obama and the Democratic congressional leadership.

President Obama has called the ban a threat to national security, and the U.S. House in May passed legislation to repeal “don’t ask, don’t tell” if an ongoing Pentagon study determines the military can adapt to the change without harming defense readiness.

Despite Obama’s criticism of the policy, the Justice Department vigorously defended “don’t ask, don’t tell’’ and even tried to undercut the case with a technical legal challenge over whether the named plaintiffs were dues-paying members of the organization that filed the lawsuit: the Log Cabin Republicans.”

We met each other through a dating service and within the course of a week, we went from daily e-mail communicators to telephone conversationalists. It didn’t take long before we wanted to meet. We went out to dinner and the movies for a week before he made the offer to stay at his place. To say that I had a great time with him would be an understatement.

The long holiday weekend started on Saturday instead of Sunday as first planned, which was a good thing. There wasn’t a time that we got bored with each other or lost words because we didn’t know of anything else to talk about.

And as I predicted, returning home was ABSOLUTE PURE hell. I knew that would happen, as it’s happened before. When it came to say “goodbye” and leave his home, I began to lose it and cried. He held me close to him and in his arms. Then my “tears of joy” were turned into severe tears of pain since my return home a few hours ago. I don’t think I have cried like this before. I can only hope that time will heal this “self-inflicted” wound and make me realize what I truly have in him.

Having my “I’ll call you when I get home safely” telephone call to him go into voice mail has added to this pain when no telephone call has ever gone to voice mail. If he answered and was there just to say, “Hey Steven, glad to hear that the drive went well and that you’re home safe,” would have probably left me happy. But now I fear that communications will cease to continue, as has been a fear quickly realized with previously relationships.

 What he wanted to see in a relationship I was ready to give him without hesitation any longer. When he asked if I would be his guest at weddings, anniversary parties, family gatherings, holiday gatherings and not be afraid to show public displays of affection, I quickly said, “Yes.” I was ready to make that jump.

 Why must I make love so hard?

 One of the reasons for my hiatus was perhaps I was starting to sound like a “Debbie Downer”. My entries seemed to dwell on the ordeal that occurred in April of last year and I felt my negativity expressed was getting quite redundant. My ordeal from 2009 is slowly fading from memory, but unsettling memories come back every now and then. Because it has been a while, the pain of the event and what happened for months afterwards has not been as traumatic as it once was. Last August, when it looked like everything was just about behind me, I started writing a long ballade expressing my feelings. When I first read the entire ballade back in August, I felt it was perhaps a bit too much to reveal and would subject myself to too much pain, despite the fact that August was four months after the incident. I may eventually reveal the other four paragraphs later.

The indignation was something that I will never forget.
It was a weekend night that concluded just like any other.
When I was asked a question or two, my heart raced like a jet.
A fear came over me and then only had me wishing for my brother.
When the situation became dire, my yearning turned toward my mother.
He tested me to see how well my eyes followed without turning my head.
“But wait,” I gasped, “What you want to observe will be skewed by my meds.”
What I said never concerned him and he foolishly continued to use his finger.
As he poked from side to side, I thought of how much I wanted to be dead.
When he was done, I wondered how long in the rain we would linger.

I’ve been busy with a lot of photography and I have had people suggest that I get a book put together of some of these photos. I’m trying to figure out if I should go with multiple volumes that relate to specific subjects (architecture?), places (Chicago?), or high dynamic range (HDR) imaging. Back in January, I had photos featured on the local NBC television station (WMAQ), the Chicago Sun-Times, and the Lake County News-Sun. Ironically, they were photos that I didn’t exactly consider to be my greatest. My recent trip to Florida didn’t afford me an opportunity to get many photographs because the weather was a bit on the cold, dreary and gray side. But there was an incredible close-up that I captured of a pelican that was flying low above a tide pool, and I was about two floors higher spotting him from the balcony. Click HERE  for the link to that photo. I also have recently joined a Meetup group of area photographers and there is an outing to the Brookfield Zoo on Saturday. I hope the weather warms up by then.

I have been seeing someone for about three weeks now. It had an interesting beginning when he e-mailed me through a dating website. It was a website that didn’t alert me through my primary e-mail address informing me that I had received an “inquiry,” and about two weeks prior, I gave up on the website’s success. So it was about four weeks later that I came across his e-mail and profusely apologized for not responding to him. I then asked him to e-mail me directly to my primary e-mail address and the correspondence started just as I arrived in Florida for vacation last month. We then exchanged cell phone numbers and kept in touch while I was in Fort Myers Beach. I met him shortly after returning from Florida. His profile on the website I spoke of earlier indicated that he lived in an area that isn’t far away. And when we met for the first time, it turned out he lives in an area that is a bit far for me in my opinion. And requires a lot of back road traveling. Not exactly a place that is conveniently off an interstate highway. It’s a relationship that I want to make work. I don’t want some preconceived notions or worry about distance getting in the way.

The relationship started to get off at a fairly fast pace, and of all people, it was ME who said we need to take this slowly. He wanted to get in my pants the third day we were together. So we have been doing a lot more things together to see if we enjoy each other’s company and enjoy some of the same pastime activities, hobbies, etc. And we still have A LOT to learn about each other. A good female friend of mine (who is partnered) said to me that if I truly liked him that I would want to be spending every moment with him and talking non-stop about him. I will admit that it is weird that it is ME that wants to takes this slowly. In my past experiences, I used to be all “ga-ga” after someone, which would usually lead to me getting burned in the end.

The only thing that has been somewhat of an inconvenience is that his weekends are not free (at this time). And when they may end up free is unknown. So being with him until 10:30 PM and not getting to bed until a few minutes before midnight leaves me a bit tired at 5:30 AM the next work day morning. I have suggested the idea that perhaps I may take a day off from work and spend the night rather than hitting the road when I am tired. Plus the night goes by soooo fast on a weeknight.

 Things are getting busy at church. I’ve been asked to serve on an ad hoc committee that is charged with revitalizing the church, dealing with its physical appearance and the services. The Pastor also wants me back on the Council to serve as Chairman of the Worship committee. Don’t know if I can extend myself that much. I’ll see what pans out.

Work is getting VERY busy. The village has been laying off employees since July of last year and an additional 30+ employees are due to be laid off within the next month. So far I have been told that I am not part of that layoff. Keeping fingers crossed. But to try and help keep a department running with 60% of the employees gone has been a challenge.

My apologies to everyone for my absentia, but I hope to re-establish my routine here once again and visit everyone soon.

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
my daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
so I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t too near,
but I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn’t quite know,
then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
and I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
a lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, my wife and my child.

“What are you doing?” I asked without fear,
“Come in this moment, it’s freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
you should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!”
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.

To the window that danced with a warm fire’s light
then he sighed and he said “It’s really all right.
I’m out here by choice. I’m here every night.”
“It’s my duty to stand at the front of the line,
that separates you from the darkest of times.”

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I’m proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ‘Pearl on a day in December,”
Then he sighed, “That’s a Christmas ‘Gram always remembers.”
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ‘Nam’,
and now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I’ve not seen my own son in more than a while,
but my wife sends me pictures, he’s sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
the red, white, and blue… an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet.
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
or lay down my life for my sister and brother.
Who stand at the front against any and all,
to ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.”

“So go back inside,” he said, “harbor no fright,
your family is waiting and I’ll be alright.”
“But isn’t there something I can do, at the least?
Give you money,” I asked, “or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you’ve done,
for being away from your wife and your son.”

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
“Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we’re gone,
to stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
to know you remember we fought and we bled
is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.”

- Author unknown

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
 30th Naval Construction Regiment
 OIC, Logistics Cell One
 Al Taqqadum, Iraq